Philly Front Office

Philadelphia 76ers in Film: Christmas Edition

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! If Sixers players were in Christmas films, who would they portray and what film would they be in?

As a reminder and courtesy of others, please turn off all cell phones. Thank you!

HOME ALONE starring Joel Embiid

“When Joel’s family left for vacation, they forgot one minor detail: Joel”

When social media troll, 24-year-old Joel Embiid acts out the night before a family trip to Boston, his mother (Catherine O’Hara) makes him sleep in the attic. After the Embiid’s mistakenly leave for the airport without Joel, he awakens to an empty house and assumes his wish to have no family has come true. But his excitement sours when he realizes that two con men, the Stinky Bandits (Hassan Whiteside, Russell Westbrook), plan to rob the Embiid residence, and that he alone must protect the family home.

THE SANTA CLAUSE starring Brett Brown & Markelle Fultz

“You’ve Never Seen Brett Quite Like This Before.”

Divorced dad Brett Brown has custody of his son (Markelle Fultz) on Christmas Eve. After he accidentally kills a man in a Santa suit, they are magically transported to the North Pole, where an elf explains that Brett must take Santa’s place before the next Christmas arrives. Brett thinks he’s dreaming, but over the next several months he gains weight and grows an inexplicably white beard. Maybe that night at the North Pole wasn’t a dream after all — and fixing Markelle’s jump shot is not the only work he has to do.

DIE HARD starring Jimmy Butler

40 Stories. Twelve Terrorists. One Jimmy.

New York City bucket maker Jimmy Butler visiting his estranged wife and two daughters on Christmas Eve. He joins her at a holiday party in the headquarters of the Japanese-owned business she works for. But the festivities are interrupted by a group of terrorists, led by Tom Thibodeau, who take over the exclusive high-rise, and everyone in it. Very soon Jimmy Butler realizes that there’s no one to save the hostages or the offense — but him.

A CHRISTMAS STORY starring Ben Simmons

Peace. Harmony. 10 Foot Jump Shots… Maybe Next Year”

Based on the humorous writings of author Jean Shepherd, this beloved holiday movie follows the wintry exploits of youngster Ben Simmons who spends most of his time dodging a bully (Zack Ward) and dreaming of his ideal Christmas gift, a “Red Ryder air rifle.” In fact, Santa tells him “You’ll shoot your foot out kid!” Frequently at odds with his cranky dad but comforted by his doting mother, Ben struggles to make it to Christmas Day with his jump shot and his hopes intact.

ELF starring TJ McConnell

“This holiday, discover your inner elf”

TJ was accidentally transported to the North Pole as a toddler and raised to adulthood among Santa’s elves. Unable to shake the feeling that he doesn’t fit in, the adult TJ travels to New York, in full elf uniform, in search of his real father. As it happens, this is Walter Hobbs (James Caan), a cynical businessman. After a DNA test proves this, Walter reluctantly attempts to start a relationship with the childlike TJ with increasingly chaotic results.

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET starring Marc Zumoff

“If you believe in turning garbage into gold, anything can happen”

In this Christmas classic, an old man going by the name of Marc Zumoff fills in for an intoxicated Santa in Macy’s annual Thanksgiving Day parade. Zumoff proves to be such a hit that he is soon appearing regularly on TV as voice of the Philadelphia 76ers . When Zumoff surprises customers and employees alike by claiming that he really is Santa Claus, it leads to a court case to determine his mental health and, more importantly, his authenticity.

LETHAL WEAPON 3 starring Demetrius Jackson & Shake Milton

“The Christmas magic is back again!”

Veteran police detective Shake Milton is only days away from retiring when he and his tough partner, Demetrius Jackson, are roped into an important internal affairs case. Working with the beautiful, no-nonsense Sergeant Lorna Cole (Rene Russo) and aided by the shifty informant Leo Getz (Joe Pesci), Shake and Meech begin to close in on a black-market weapons operation involving corrupt cop and arms dealer Jack Travis (Stuart Wilson).

EDWARD SCISSORHANDS starring JJ Redick

“Innocence is what he knows. Beauty is what he shoots”

A scientist (Vincent Price) builds an animated human being — the gentle Jonathan Clay (JJ) Redick. The scientist dies before he can finish assembling JJ, though, leaving the young man with a freakish appearance accentuated by the scissor blades he has instead of hands. Loving suburban saleswoman Peg (Dianne Wiest) discovers JJ and takes him home, where he falls for Peg’s teen daughter (Winona Ryder). However, despite his kindness and talent for shooting from 3, JJ’s hands make him an outcast.

BATMAN RETURNS starring Norvel Pelle

“The Bat, the Cat, the Penguin”

The monstrous Penguin (Danny DeVito), who lives in the sewers beneath Gotham, joins up with wicked shock-headed businessman Max Shreck (Christopher Walken) to topple the Batman (Norvel Pelle) once and for all. But when Shreck’s timid assistant, Selina Kyle (Michelle Pfeiffer), finds out, and Shreck tries to kill her, she is transformed into the sexy Catwoman. She teams up with the Penguin and Shreck to destroy Batman, but sparks fly unexpectedly when she confronts the caped crusader.

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER starring Markelle Fultz

“The Most Famous Markelle of All Time!”

Sam the snowman tells us the story of a young red-nosed reindeer who, after being ousted from the reindeer games because of his beaming honker, teams up with Hermey, an elf who wants to be a dentist, and Yukon Cornelius, the prospector. They run into the Abominable Snowman and find a whole island of misfit toys. Markelle vows to see if he can get Santa to help the toys, and he goes back to the North Pole on Christmas Eve. But Santa’s sleigh is fogged in. But when Santa looks over Markelle, he gets a very bright idea…

I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS starring Zhaire Smith

“Somewhere between food allergies & foot injuries, Zhaire found the meaning of Christmas”

Estranged from his father (Gary Cole), college student Zhaire Smith is lured home to New York for Christmas with the promise of receiving a classic Porsche as a gift. When a food allergy after a football game leaves him stranded in the desert in a Santa suit, Zhaire is left without identification or money to help him make the journey. Meanwhile, his girlfriend, Allie (Jessica Biel), does not know where he is, and accepts a cross-country ride from Jake’s rival, Eddie (Adam LaVorgna).

A CHRISTMAS PRINCE starring Furkan Korkmaz

“True love on Christmas can be found in the strangest of places”

Christmas comes early for an aspiring young journalist when she’s sent abroad to get the scoop on a dashing prince who’s poised to be king.

WHITE CHRISTMAS starring Jonah Bolden & Landry Shamet

“Sixers entertainment for every season, any year!!!!”

Singers Jonah Bolden and Landry Shamet join sister act Betty (Rosemary Clooney) and Judy Haynes (Vera-Ellen) to perform a Christmas show in rural Vermont. There, they run into Gen. Brown (Brett Brown), the boys’ commander in World War II, who, they learn, is having financial difficulties; his quaint country inn is failing. So what’s the foursome to do but plan a yuletide miracle: a fun-filled musical extravaganza that’s sure to put Brown and his business in the black!

mrcrockpot

"Some would have us go out and buy apples. But we want to build the whole orchard, and you don't get to the moon by climbing a tree."
-Sam Hinkie

Jonah Bolden commented on my first game recap for SFO.